


Full of Secrets

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-16
Updated: 2006-01-16
Packaged: 2019-04-29 06:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14466858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: A brief chat between River and the captain





	Full of Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Set after the film

  
Author's notes: Set after the film  


* * *

Full of Secrets

## Full of Secrets

Full of Secrets 

"I'm still full of secrets" 

Mal looked at River, who sat calmly cross-legged in his pilot's chair. He still wasn't quite ready to leave her in sole charge of his ship for the night. Genius, trained assassin, reader, and damn fast learner in general she might be. But he couldn't just leave his baby alone all night with someone who'd first piloted a ship less than a month ago. At first he thought River was reacting to his protectiveness of the boat. In the last weeks she had been a real creative pilot. But something about her tone suggested a more unfortunate interpretation. "Are we talkin' Miranda-type secrets here, girl?" 

She nodded, still calmly. "That was only the worst one." 

He looked out at the black. "I guess I'm glad to know they don't get no worse than that." He forced himself to look at her directly. "River, that last secret of yours cost us. It cost us heavy. It was worth payin', I do believe that. But I don't believe we're ready for another war. Not yet. Maybe not ever." 

She tipped her head, considering him and everything he didn't have to say for her to hear it. "I've waited to say. Three weeks, two days." She sung to him, quite seriously, but in jazz tempo "Don't nobody give me...no bad news." 

He raised his eyebrows. She'd been pretty much sane since Miranda. If this was a step back he'd be mighty sorry. "We could use a bit of good news, girl. Just as a change." 

"It's good and bad. Good news: River knows what's her thoughts and what's not, what's past and what's now, what's secret and what everyone knows. Bad news: River isn't all shiny and new now, never will be. I'm still full of secrets. They're all bad news." 

He sighed. It was probably a good thing the Doc missed that monologue. "I guessed that part." 

"Bad news doesn't have to mean bad luck." 

"How you figure?" 

"You want to know where the biggest installation of chemical weapons in this sector is?" 

"Not if there's any chance of Jayne ever usin' that information" 

She smiled, a brilliant flash. "Want to know how to get them out and turn them into terraforming fertilizer?" 

He blew out a breath. "You and that brother of yours both got serious criminal potential. I can't decide whether I'm scared by that or not." 

Her smile didn't waver. "You're scared. But it makes you like us better." 

Mal rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Well, I never claimed to be fully sane. All the same, we ain't goin' near that big a game right now. Maybe not ever." She nodded and he tried to judge how she was taking that answer. "You got any secrets might lead to simple jobs outside of the core, jobs what don't involve weapons of mass destruction?" 

Her smile had faded, replaced by a cynical glimmer that reminded Mal of no one more than himself on a bad day. Even her accent mimicked his own. "Now, no job what involves River is lackin' a weapon of mass destruction." 

Mal stared at her a moment, then kicked her chair so it spun to face his directly. "Maybe you ain't wrong about that." He made good and sure she was paying attention. "But a weapon sure as hell ain't all you are. You're deadly, no question. The folks took you didn't give you no choice about that. But your brother, hell everyone on this boat, has risked somethin' big to give you a choice what you do with that deadly. Last I saw, you used it to save us from a pack of Reavers. Your choice. I can't say as I'm sorry about that bit of destruction." 

River relaxed a bit, turning back to Serenity's controls. "I should choose a secret on the rim and use no weapons but River." 

"Well, Jayne will be a mite ornery if you don't let him take a few of his girls along." 

"A core-less secret plan with a use for Vera." 

"Right. That's what we need." 

"And a job for Zoe." River smoothed a finger down the long, thin body of the brontosaurus on the navigation console. "Zoe needs to fight something. Find something. Lose something." 

"Lose something?" It seemed a man could still wish River spoke plainer, even when he was pretty sure she was sane. "River, I think she's lost all she can take right now." And he didn't know how if he could watch Zoe lose anything else either. Last month had two moments he had put in a category once reserved only for the end of Serenity Valley. Watching Zoe try to pull Wash out of the very chair River now sat in, that was one. Realizing the operative had murdered everyone'd ever helped or hid Serenity's crew, that was another. He hoped someone would just up and shoot him before making him live through those moments again. 

"Zoe has a plan she has to lose." Before he could get the question from his mind to his mouth River shook her head at him, firmly. "I won't tell her secret. I'm full of them, I'll tell another. To give her something else to find." 

"Girl, I need to know..." 

River put the T-Rex down between them, brooking no argument. "You can guess enough. You'll find her something else to fight." 

Mal thought about pushing River harder, then realized in disgust that it probably wouldn't serve his purpose. 

She shifted the dinosaurs so they all faced him. "Plastic representations of extinct life forms. They might help you remember." 

"Just what'll they help me remember?" 

"They're dead. Lost, gone. But we know about them, everyone does now. Secret's out. We lost but we win." 

He knew what she meant now. But he still didn't have a plan for dealing with all the loss. 

"Love keeps the ship in the air, captain. You don't have to plan alone." She stood up, waved him over to the controls. "You want to brood. I'll leave you alone with her." 

Mal glared at her. Not his scary-even-Jayne-steps-back-a-pace glare. Just a you're-a-brat glare. "I think I'm gonna tell your brother your medication needs tinkerin' with." 

River smiled. "Simon can do that same look." 

"Go on and get. Sleep some. You better be ready for some fancy navigation tomorrow, girl. We're getting' nearer the core than uppity fugitives like yourself oughta be." 

"I'm still full of secrets." She smiled at him, and slipped out of the cockpit, leaving him alone with the black. 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title:   **Full of Secrets**   
Author:   **Cedar**   
Details:   **Standalone**  |  **G**  |  **gen**  |  **6k**  |  **01/16/06**   
Characters:  Malcolm, River   
Pairings:  none   
Summary:  A brief chat between River and the captain   
Notes:  Set after the film   
  



End file.
